bird by bird

I'm preparing a presentation about expatriate literary salons in Paris in the early 20th century, and I am focusing on Natalie Barney's salon, Rue Jacob No. 20. I am reading her biography and am becoming enchanted by a woman who apparently enchanted many. Here is one description of her that reminds me of some women I know. This is the type of woman I would like to become. “As we’ve seen, Natalie had been in training her entire life to take on this role, learning from her own mother how to wow a crowd. Beyond this, she had an intuitive sense of how to make people feel special. She instinctively found and stressed commonalities, put shy souls at ease, and gave flight to the wit and brilliance of others. Most people who met Natalie for the first time walked away feeling that they had made an exciting new friend—one who appreciated their best qualities” (180). Wild Heart: A Life Natalie Clifford Barney and the Decadence of Literary Paris

Tonight I heard the sad news of another dad/husband/friend called away to the 'Big Guy in the Sky', and I am at a loss for words. Pain is pain and sometimes it seems that that's all there is. It just gets moved around from person to person. 495 days ago, there was nothing anyone could say to take the pain away. 495 days later, there isn't anything I can say to make someone else's pain go away. No one is safe, and the more we meet, know, learn, and love, the more risk there is for loss and heartache and sadness and grief. People leave holes that can never be filled. My wordless prayers are with the Rick Hanson family.

So here's what happened.. One night in October, I was complaining about my everlasting facebook addiction and general facebook annoyances with my roommate. We decided to drink some beer and de-friend facebook friends if they fit under certain criterion: DELETE IF... 1. I would not smile or say hello to this person if I ran into them at Hy-Vee 2. This person was updating their status more than three times a day causing a monopoly on my mini-feed 3. I would never want this person to be at my wedding 4. I haven't thought of this person in the last 6 months 5. This person has a new last name and I didn't even know she was dating anyone 6. The only thing we have in common is our graduation date from High School 7. I creep on this person too much 8. This person shouldn't be able to know what I am doing with my life 9. This person did not offer interesting pictures or occasionally have an interesting status update 10. It would be weird to wish this person a happy b...

So I'm not completely convinced that I believe in the whole dream-interpretation stuff... but some of my dreams are so bizarre, I can't help but google them. This week I had an eerily realistic dream that someone from my past was giving me a foot massage, and it felt amaaazing, even though I don't normally like foot massages. Here is the explanation I found: "Massage -- To dream that you are getting a massage, suggests that you are lacking sensual or sexual stimulation in your waking life. You need to be more in touch with your sensuality. Perhaps you need to take better care of your body. The dream also represents nurturance, ease and comfort. Alternatively, it suggests that you need to let go and stop being so defensive." humm...

Last Thanksgiving was the first major holiday without my dad, and even though we still had a lot to be thankful for, my mom, sister, and I weren't feeling particularly festive. My mom was less affected mainly due to her preoccupation with preparing the entire meal: turkey, potatoes, pies, salads, etc. My sister and I, however, were acutely aware that something big was missing, and we weren't quite sure how we were going to get through it. Watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade while peeling potatoes just wasn't the same without him. Carrying up folding chairs from the basement wasn't the same without him. Moving all our cars to make room for our relatives wasn't the same without him. Regardless, it had to be done. Allison hopped in my jeep with me so we could move it to the garage in the back, and when I turned on the radio, "Gonna Get Through This" came on the radio. We looked at each other, cranked the stereo, and drove around the block 11 times...

How can you pick just one??

Q: What's more pathetic than acting out a real-life scene from He's Just Not That Into You with a co-worker in the cubicles? A: Tweeting about it. Suck it.

"I can't complain but sometimes I still do Life's been good to me so far"

Listening to iTunes on shuffle brings about songs I haven't heard in a while... with those songs comes memories of good times, bad times, and other times. Tonight this song by Ray LaMontagne came on and it encompasses a wide array of memories: good, bad, and bittersweet. It really is a beautiful song though... worth the bitter and the sweet. "Hannah" I lost all of my vanity when I peered into the pool I lost all of my innocence When I fell in love with you I never knew a man fall so far until I landed here Where all of my wounds turn into gold when I kissed your hair Come to me Hannah Hannah won't you to come on to me I'll lay down this bottle of wine If you'll just be kind to me Ask her why she cries so loud She Will not say a word Eyes like ice and hands that shake She takes what she deserves To celebrate her emptiness In a Cold and lonely room Sweep the floor with your long flowered dress If you cannot find a broom Come to me Hannah...

The other night I ran into my good friend Jane at Carey's. She is awesome. She's moving to Australia in February which means I won't be able to run into her at Carey's again for a while. That makes me sad. This picture, on the other hand, makes me very happy. Me Like Jane

Last night I had a dream about fog, lots and lots of fog. I googled it and here's what I found: "Fog : An obstacle dream, dependent on other circumstances in the dream for exact interpretation. A fog at sea indicates blockages in emotional situations, such as romance. A fog on land indicates setbacks with regard to business or financial progress. If the fog clears away during the dream, then the blockages will let up and therefore there’s no need to lose heart. If it thickens, however, perhaps you’d better rethink the situation." It thickened. Shit. 

You know when you have a really great night out, but you wake up the next morning and experience the agony that is a stage 5 hangover...? In between frequent trips to the bathroom, you look in the mirror, groan, and declare, "I'm never doing that again". I had a similar-ish experience last year prompting a year long aversion to commitment. Longest. Hangover. Ever.

I LOVe love love these videos and wish they could be the background music of my daily life. Enjoy!: Europe 2 TV & Sequence SDP present: Feist-Trabendo Session, a live performance recorded December 16, 2005 in Paris, France, featuring: Leslie Feist, Julian Brown, Jesse Baird & Bryden Baird. The saddest part of a broken heart Isn't the ending so much as the start The tragedy starts from the very first spark Losing your mind for the sake of your heart The saddest part of a broken heart Isn't the ending so much as the start

I found this written in a bathroom stall in a bar in Lincoln, NE last weekend (that's a lot of prepositions).. Anyway, I think it's funny, but I can't decipher the word between 'your' and 'turbans'. Ideas? 2 hours later.. I think it says 'giggle'! Giggle turbans! That's a hoot!

They say that those who can't do, teach. What does that mean for those who teach about teaching??

Oh wait, he did.. This weekend I am taking part in the celebration of Sena's last fling before the bling. The wedding shower/bachelorette party combo is just what the doctor ordered! All week I've been googling, shopping, dreaming wedding, and this has me thinking about my own matrimonial future.. which in turn has me thinking about Beyonce and "Single Ladies"... and I am a-ok with that. Here are a couple of photos of two other single ladies that are a-ok with that too.

Katie Glavin is a new good friend of mine. Both of us threaten to drop out of grad school daily and both of us can recite the rap from Teen Witch on command. Katie is a self-proclaimed hipster (just kidding) and I want to be just like her (not kidding). She likes buying jackets whose buttons fall off after wearing them for the first time. But man, does she look good in them. Once Katie said, "My students are actin like they're the queen, and I'm the sorry person". And I laughed and laughed and laughed. Maybe it's because she said it with a southern accent. Or maybe it's because she is just so darn cute. I like this picture because Katie looks like a woodland creature (She went through a phase in undergrad).

One year ago today I was leaving New York after an amazing 4 days with my dear friend Erin. I miss the city and I miss her.

This week two lights went out in the hallway of my house. Last night I decided that since I am the tallest resident of mini-theta, it was my duty to change said light bulbs. I went to the hallway closet to get new light bulbs, but was too dark to see. Then I went looking for a flashlight, but that was also in the dark closet, which was too dark to see. It was too dark to find a flashlight to find the light bulbs to replace the light. Then.. today.. I'm sitting in the MUC (student center) needing to email each of my students, but I am unable to access USD's website. For some reason, the wireless internet lets me look at virtually any website on the internet, EXCEPT USD's website and my USD email. SO I have this great idea to call IT and ask them how to fix this problem.. but then I realize that I can't get the phone number of IT to call IT to ask them for help! I need to access the internet to fix the internet! What's a girl to do?

Kate Nash says it better than I ever could. I love my girlfriends. You know you are. They don't love you like I love you. The End.

Today was a good day. Nothing particularly exciting happened; I didn't win an award or come to any great realization about the universe.. but I did get a good parking spot and have time to take a nap. I'm going to try to be thankful all month, not just on the day with the turkey. Thank you.

I heard this song today on pandora and fell in love right away. There were no good videos on youtube so I made one of my own... instead of grading papers or writing my own. Ah, well. I call it a healthy distraction. "Be Careful of My Heart" by Tracy Chapman Note: The photos in the video are pictures I took of flowers that my family received after we lost my dad. The flowers didn't survive, but surprisingly, we did.

Last November this was true.. and this November, it's still true.

"See I'm all about them words Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words Hundreds of pages, pages, pages for words More words then I had ever heard and I feel so alive " "You and I"--Jason Mraz