I want to write

I want to write about what's going on in America right now, what's going on down my street, what's going on in my heart. 
I want to write about how angry I feel about the cruelty of racism and discrimination.
I want to write about how awful I feel about those things even though I've never experienced them firsthand.
I want to write about what I've learned about how we got here and what I have left to learn about how we can do better.
I want to write about how I can do better.
I want to write about how I don't know what to do and about what I know I need to do.
I want to write about how this is happening in the midst of a global pandemic and how that makes it hard for me to decide what parts of the movement to participate in.
I want to write about how I'm disappointed in the apathy and lack of action from people I used to respect, about how I see who it silent.
I want to write about living in Harlem, then Brooklyn and what it felt like to be a minority for the first time in my life, and yet feeling safe.
I want to write about how that changed me.
I want to write about attending Afro Punk Fest and seeing a strong, vibrant culture that I had little prior context for. I want to write about how I was welcomed there even though I was the one who looked different.
I want to write about my experiences losing someone because they couldn't breath: my dad and my grandpa.
I want to write about how I would have felt if their last breaths had been because of violence, if their last breaths could have been prevented.

There is so much I want to write about and scream about and cry about, and I will. This is just the start.