Only Weirdos Want to Date Me
Yes, I online date. I mean, I don't actually go on dates, but I am online. In fact, an overwhelming majority of my single NYC crew consists of online daters--though, unlike me, they're the kind that actually go on dates. They get messages from cool guys with cool beards and cool girls with cool jobs, and I get messages from guys with names like "Girlstopplayin" and "Footballfishing" who describe their body types as "jacked" and are looking for a girl with a "nice smile and tight ass." These quote marks aren't a joke, you guys.
Exhibit A: Messages
Sometimes I get really flattering messages like one that said, "hey there, you seem like a cool woman. cute smile, funky fashion and a you look really full of life" (Did he just call my fashion sense "funky"??) And sometimes I get messages that get right to the point: "def a cutie." That is literally all it said. Sometimes guys send me messages that make me want to gag: "Bonsoir mademoiselle, I hope this email find you well. I have to admit ,your beauty and your smile make the morning sun look like the dull glimmer of the moon." And sometimes I get messages that make me want to punch the guy in the nose: "Dating life must be tough for a girl of your height in New York." That's also all it said.
Most of these guys are really all about the one-liners, like the guy whose message was: "I just looked into it and it's not illegal to wear a towel to work." Is that really a successful conversation starter with a stranger over the internet? This next guy understands the fear associated with online dating. His message said: "We should sit down for a drink...or two, sometime soon...in a crowded area so I feel safe... Derek." So many of the messages that I have received are clearly so generic that a girl just knows that he's copying and pasting to several recipients. Once my friend KS and I had actual proof of this in that we both got the exact same message from the exact same guy. Neither of us messaged him back. At least this next guy actually read my profile. His message just said, "Good job helping cancer people." Though I hardly ever do, I responded to this one with a polite "You're welcome :)." All of these examples compromise a TIP OF AN ICEBERG compared to an overly friendly, overly enthusiastic weirdo named Gustavo. His messages are too long and too inappropriate for this blog, but I'm happy to share over email. I guarantee that his messages to me will both entertain you and makes you glad you are not a single twenty-six year old living in Brooklyn.
I've heard it said and have to agree that online dating does make people more superficial, more judgmental, more picky. But I submit these messages to get confirmation that I'm not just being overly selective. Only weirdos want to date me. AMIRIGHT?!
Exhibit A: Messages
Sometimes I get really flattering messages like one that said, "hey there, you seem like a cool woman. cute smile, funky fashion and a you look really full of life" (Did he just call my fashion sense "funky"??) And sometimes I get messages that get right to the point: "def a cutie." That is literally all it said. Sometimes guys send me messages that make me want to gag: "Bonsoir mademoiselle, I hope this email find you well. I have to admit ,your beauty and your smile make the morning sun look like the dull glimmer of the moon." And sometimes I get messages that make me want to punch the guy in the nose: "Dating life must be tough for a girl of your height in New York." That's also all it said.
Most of these guys are really all about the one-liners, like the guy whose message was: "I just looked into it and it's not illegal to wear a towel to work." Is that really a successful conversation starter with a stranger over the internet? This next guy understands the fear associated with online dating. His message said: "We should sit down for a drink...or two, sometime soon...in a crowded area so I feel safe... Derek." So many of the messages that I have received are clearly so generic that a girl just knows that he's copying and pasting to several recipients. Once my friend KS and I had actual proof of this in that we both got the exact same message from the exact same guy. Neither of us messaged him back. At least this next guy actually read my profile. His message just said, "Good job helping cancer people." Though I hardly ever do, I responded to this one with a polite "You're welcome :)." All of these examples compromise a TIP OF AN ICEBERG compared to an overly friendly, overly enthusiastic weirdo named Gustavo. His messages are too long and too inappropriate for this blog, but I'm happy to share over email. I guarantee that his messages to me will both entertain you and makes you glad you are not a single twenty-six year old living in Brooklyn.
I've heard it said and have to agree that online dating does make people more superficial, more judgmental, more picky. But I submit these messages to get confirmation that I'm not just being overly selective. Only weirdos want to date me. AMIRIGHT?!
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