My New Life of Poop and Penises

Today K taught me a handshake that ends with a chest pump. He's about 3'8"... so it was... interesting. But I'll take it over being punched in the boob any day.

The other day K asked me what it was like to have a vagina. I told him that it meant I couldn't pee standing up. His mom told him that it doesn't hurt as much when we get kicked in the crotch. K thought about it for a minute and then said, "Yeah, and penises are really fun to play with." Then he added, "Unless you play with them too much. Then it's a disaster." Ew..

JJ has been having some.. digestive issues. His mom explained it to me once, but all I know is that it causes him to shit his pants on a daily basis. It's a BIG problem. So to reduce the amount of time I spend hosing down a poopy four-year-old, I make him sit on the toilet every chance I get and bribe him with tic-tacs and paper monsters. When he "doo-doo's," he sizes up his poop based on the size of his family members. Tiny turds are baby J, then JJ, K, mommy, daddy, and then, the biggest crap of all is named... Amanda. I am literally the shit.

Baby J, JJ, and K

Comments

  1. Erin HDecember 2, 2011 at 6:34 PM

    LOLOLOLOL hahahahahah. Wow This NEEDS to be published somewhere! Too funny. Not to be mean, laughing about your troubles and you being the "shit" and all, but jeez, you're a good writer.

    ReplyDelete
  2. *charDecember 5, 2011 at 9:54 PM

    I agree with Erin---ahahahaha

    ReplyDelete
  3. Kate GlavinDecember 6, 2011 at 4:05 PM

    I call my big poops Amanda, too. I mean that in the best way.

    I miss you.

    I think about cold days with you in South Dakota often.

    ReplyDelete

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