bird by bird

It was a good nine weeks, Alice . You carried my cheap champagne in your basket, got me to and from babysitting jobs in record speed, and made me feel like a real Brooklyn badass.. But now some MEANIE has clipped your lock and stolen you from my block and my heart. Transportation will never be the same without you, sweet girl, and I'll always treasure the colorful language shouted to us by passersby.  I still think they were all just jealous. RIP Alice. It's going to be hard to move on without you. Literally. I'll have to walk now.

I can't really focus today because a really sad thing happened to a family I really love. It's the kind of news that makes me feel ashamed at how annoyed I get at small things like crowded subway trains and dog pee on the sidewalk. I'm ashamed at how much attention I give to what I am sure are early onset wrinkles and the occasional grey hair. I'm ashamed that I get so anxious about what to wear before going to a party or how many calories are in the muffins at work. All of this piddly little insignificant stuff takes up space in my head and my heart and then one day I get a phone call that someone is missing, and then he's just gone. Where there were once concerns about calories and wrinkles and dog pee, my whole heart and mind are now consumed by a hurt that is big and love that is even bigger.