Start from the Inside Out

I recently became OBSESSED with the show Orange is the New Black on Netflix, and I watched the whole season in record time. Even though it made me feel uncomfortable on so many levels (as was, I'm sure the point), it was written in a way that was brilliant, honest, subtle, funny, in-your-face, and just so complex. Color is such a theme of the show, but really it revealed how much grey there is in the justice system/life. Really powerful stuff. 

I saw the following scene in the second to last episode, and though I can't really explain why, it resonated with me so much. It's a conversation between two inmates, one (Crazy Eyes) who, though semi-mentally unstable, had genuine feelings for the other inmate (Chapman) who did not reciprocate those feelings. They come into contact while both mopping the bathroom floor in the middle of the night. I love this scene and have never identified more with a daft, African American, lesbian inmate in a women's correctional facility. That is great writing.

Chapman: Did you get in trouble, too? 

Crazy Eyes: Sometimes the feelings inside me get messy like dirt. And I like to clean things. Pretend the dirt is the feelings.This floor is my mind. That is called coping. And the COs don't care 'cause they like things clean. (SCOFFS) And that is called symbiosis.

Chapman: Suzanne, listen. Those things that Larry said on the radio? They sounded a lot worse than they really were. And when I said those things to him, it was before I knew you. Before I knew what a nice person you are. And you have to admit that you come on a little strong.

Crazy Eyes: It's okay, dandelion. You know why? I used to spend a lot of time thinking how I could make you love me. Like, if I had long pretty hair, or if I made a chocolate cake with frosting, or if I had a green bicycle.

Chapman: No! You are great the way that you are.

Crazy Eyes: I know. Because the answer is, you're not a nice person. You're a mean person. And I used to think you was a yellow dandelion but you're all dried up with the puff blown off. And it's not your fault. You are who you are, like, I am who I am.

Chapman: I'm not mean. I didn't mean to be mean to you.

Crazy Eyes: (Referring to Chapman's mopping) You gotta start from the inside out or else you'll step on the clean.