bird by bird

A few times in my life I've had moments of absolute clarity, when for a few brief seconds the silence drowns out the noise and I can feel rather than think, and things seem so sharp and the world seems so fresh. I can never make these moments last. I cling to them, but like everything, they fade. I have lived my life on these moments. They pull me back to the present, and I realize that everything is exactly the way it was meant to be.  -- A Single Man

"Not til we are lost, in other words, not til we have lost the world do we begin to find ourselves, and realize where we are and the infinite extent of our relations." --Henry David Thoreau

An anonymous quote I heard someone else say... "We made out for the first time to "Bad Romance"... at the Char bar... on April Fool's Day. If that's not a recipe for disaster, I don't know what is."

Remember that paper I'm working on for my "Rise of the 18th Century Novel" Seminar? Well, I'm looking at two texts: Henry Fielding's Tom Jones and Samuel Richardson's Clarissa . The problem is, whenever I'm reading Tom Jones , I think about this: And whenever I'm reading Clarissa , I think about this: I am never going to finish this paper..

So there's this really great website dedicated to parents/relatives/"grown ups" and how ridiculous they are on facebook (myparentsjoinedfacebook.com). Since my own mother has fallen prey to the social pressures of the teacher's lounge and has set up her own fb account, I've decided to post some of her funny facebook contributions. (I dread the day she learns about this blog) To little AL after a Theta Formal:  Thanks for the update, mom. I do like big, beefy burgers... ;) When it comes to status updates, sometimes less is more.. The best one yet!

"Whatever we may do or attempt, despite the embrace and transports of love, the hunger of the lips, we are always alone. I have dragged you out into the night in the vain hope of a moment's escape from the horrible solitude which overpowers me, and still each of us is alone; side by side but alone." -"Solitude" by Guy de Maupassant

And I quote: "I stirred my last batch of gravy You don't have to be my baby"

By Billy Collins It is awkward for me and bewildering for him as I hold him in my arms in the small bathroom, balancing our weight on the shaky blue scale, but this is the way to weigh a dog and easier than training him to sit obediently on one spot with his tongue out, waiting for the cookie. With pencil and paper I subtract my weight from our total to find out the remainder that is his, and I start to wonder if there is an analogy here. It could not have to do with my leaving you though I never figured out what you amounted to until I subtracted myself from our combination. You held me in your arms more than I held you through all those awkward and bewildering months and now we are both lost in strange and distant neighborhoods. Happy Poetry Festival!!!

“Do not assume that she who seeks to comfort you now, lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good. Her life may also have much sadness and difficulty, that remains far beyond yours. Were it otherwise, she would never have been able to find these words.” --Rainer Maria Rilke

From Corrina, Corrina.. my sister bought it for me for Christmas. MOLLY Hey, Daddy-Oh! Every cat talks to God in his own way and God understands Chinese. So Corrina says, don't be jealous of the angels. Bo-Daddy-Bo! MANNY What did Corrina say? MOLLY Well, Corrina said that you're jealous of the angels. MANNY Why? MOLLY Because they get to spend all that time with Mommy. MANNY Molly, listen to me, okay? The heaven, the angels, and all that, it's just something that people make up so they won't feel sad anymore. MOLLY Well... what's wrong with that?

This week we (my mom) is finally closing the sale on the old house. I'm going home for the signing of papers and to say goodbye to the house I called home from 4th grade until now.  It's a house that holds a lot of family memories, good memories and as of late, some not-so-good memories too.  I should be more nostalgic and/or sad about the final goodbye, but I think that because there have been so many goodbyes in the last 18 months, I've become numb to change. My plans, my address, my friends, and my perspective have all changed/evolved so drastically that closing another door for the last time doesn't seem so daunting anymore.  And too, the idea of "home" is pretty fluid, it seems, to most 20-somethings. This reminds me of a scene from Garden State .  Andrew Largeman : You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you put your shit, tha...

"I just typed "thesaurus" into the thesaurus. I think that might break the internet." -KG

I watched Love Actually last night.. one of my all time favorite movies, especially this time of year. The combination of Christmas music and British accents is so lovely. So is the beginning scene: “Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.”

I read this and I underlined it. I don't know why. It has no significance to the story or really to anything. But any quote with the words feel, love, pain, heart, and comfort  is too sen-tastic (sentimental + fantastic) to go to waste. So it's getting some show time this morning. "I could feel the long swift fingers of love untying the terrible knot of pain that bound my head. And I put my arms around him and lay close to his heart in comfort." From "Black Boy" by Kay Boyle Doesn't it just make you want to hug??

I'm preparing a presentation about expatriate literary salons in Paris in the early 20th century, and I am focusing on Natalie Barney's salon, Rue Jacob No. 20. I am reading her biography and am becoming enchanted by a woman who apparently enchanted many. Here is one description of her that reminds me of some women I know. This is the type of woman I would like to become. “As we’ve seen, Natalie had been in training her entire life to take on this role, learning from her own mother how to wow a crowd. Beyond this, she had an intuitive sense of how to make people feel special. She instinctively found and stressed commonalities, put shy souls at ease, and gave flight to the wit and brilliance of others. Most people who met Natalie for the first time walked away feeling that they had made an exciting new friend—one who appreciated their best qualities” (180). Wild Heart: A Life Natalie Clifford Barney and the Decadence of Literary Paris

Listening to iTunes on shuffle brings about songs I haven't heard in a while... with those songs comes memories of good times, bad times, and other times. Tonight this song by Ray LaMontagne came on and it encompasses a wide array of memories: good, bad, and bittersweet. It really is a beautiful song though... worth the bitter and the sweet. "Hannah" I lost all of my vanity when I peered into the pool I lost all of my innocence When I fell in love with you I never knew a man fall so far until I landed here Where all of my wounds turn into gold when I kissed your hair Come to me Hannah Hannah won't you to come on to me I'll lay down this bottle of wine If you'll just be kind to me Ask her why she cries so loud She Will not say a word Eyes like ice and hands that shake She takes what she deserves To celebrate her emptiness In a Cold and lonely room Sweep the floor with your long flowered dress If you cannot find a broom Come to me Hannah...

"This is a song about talking to the person you haven't even met yet. Maybe they're rolling around the hay with someone else. But they're not as good as you'll be. You just have to wait your turn. He's out there; she's out there. They're just learning what to contrast you against." --JM

Overheard: "Virginity and eHarmony just don't mix."