Dream On
I had a dream during the hurricane that I was at home in South Dakota, but I needed to catch a bus to get back to NYC. Transportation was a mess (surely the influence of real life hurricane subway issues), but I knew I needed to get to my bus by a certain time. My mom wasn't being sensitive of the strict bus schedule, and we quickly became frustrated with each other. I had to go!
Then my Grandpa Don rolled up in his teal colored golf cart and he said, "Fritz, I want to show you something." We drove into the hay field behind his barn and looked out over the pastoral scene. It began to get dark. I started to get sentimental about having to leave this natural and open environment where my roots are. Then... I don't really know how to explain it, but my grandpa did a trick or a spell or something wizard-y and dream-like and all of a sudden, on top of the rolling Dakota hills, the lights of the New York City skyline started to light up. Lights swept across the sky like an urban constellation. A wave of joy filled my heart in a way that I can't fully explain. In that moment, I realized that I didn't have to choose between being grounded in South Dakota and being cosmopolitan in NYC. The struggle within my heart temporarily ceased, and I experienced a kind of nirvana.
But then the city lights began to disappear again, and I realized that it wasn't real. The city wasn't steps from my family and my home after all. It was a metropolitan mirage. I woke up heartbroken and confined to my apartment while the hurricane raged on outside.
I had this dream weeks ago, but I had similar feelings this weekend when my mom and sister were in the city visiting me for Thanksgiving. For a weekend, I had my family, my Lightfield soul-mates by my side in this crazy, electric city. I didn't have to choose. The struggle within my heart temporarily ceased. But like the image in my dream, their trip came to end, and as I watched their cab take them away from me and toward the airport, I wished that for once my dream hadn't come true.
Then my Grandpa Don rolled up in his teal colored golf cart and he said, "Fritz, I want to show you something." We drove into the hay field behind his barn and looked out over the pastoral scene. It began to get dark. I started to get sentimental about having to leave this natural and open environment where my roots are. Then... I don't really know how to explain it, but my grandpa did a trick or a spell or something wizard-y and dream-like and all of a sudden, on top of the rolling Dakota hills, the lights of the New York City skyline started to light up. Lights swept across the sky like an urban constellation. A wave of joy filled my heart in a way that I can't fully explain. In that moment, I realized that I didn't have to choose between being grounded in South Dakota and being cosmopolitan in NYC. The struggle within my heart temporarily ceased, and I experienced a kind of nirvana.
But then the city lights began to disappear again, and I realized that it wasn't real. The city wasn't steps from my family and my home after all. It was a metropolitan mirage. I woke up heartbroken and confined to my apartment while the hurricane raged on outside.
...
I had this dream weeks ago, but I had similar feelings this weekend when my mom and sister were in the city visiting me for Thanksgiving. For a weekend, I had my family, my Lightfield soul-mates by my side in this crazy, electric city. I didn't have to choose. The struggle within my heart temporarily ceased. But like the image in my dream, their trip came to end, and as I watched their cab take them away from me and toward the airport, I wished that for once my dream hadn't come true.
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